Unexpected Happiness

Hansa Hasgur
Turkey
ESOL 400
Fall 2007

“How can it happen? I had all the required documents!” I said, then started to cry. It was a beautiful, sunny October morning and I was standing in front of the enormous American Consulate building in Istanbul, Turkey. “Do not worry! You can apply again, and this time you will get it.” My sister was with me and she was trying to console me, though her disappointment could be read on her face. I was there to get a visa to the United States, but unfortunately, my application was rejected without any explanation by an American official. My grief was very big because up to that point I had prepared the documents, solved different problems related to the process and struggled by myself because my parents were outside the country at that time. What’s more is, I was well assured by people around me that I would get the visa at this interview.

After all those difficulties and all that encouragement, I had come to the consulate building with great excitement and expectation. I had passed through three checkpoints and one x-ray when finally I arrived at the main room in which all processes of getting the visa were taking place. There was such a huge crowd that I could not find any seat available in that big hall. I handed in my documents and started to wait my turn for the interview with others who were waiting impatiently. I started to chat with two ladies who were standing beside me. They asked me why I wanted to go to the U.S., and I told them that my reason was to study. Then they said, “Oh, if you are applying for a student visa then you do not have anything to worry about. It is really easy to get a student visa.”

When my number was called, I started to walk toward the counter with a kind of relief and hope in my heart. The official was a plump, black woman, whose voice was very eerie. During the interview, I was supposed to persuade her that I did not intend to immigrate to the U.S. She just opened my passport, looked at my visas and asked me what I was doing in Kyrgyzstan. “I was studying at the university,” I replied. “Why did you choose to study in Kyrgyzstan?” “I did not choose it. My parents were appointed there, so I went with them.” After asking me several questions related to my family and my siblings she said, “Sorry, but I cannot give you visa to the U.S.” Her words were so sudden that I could not open my mouth for a moment. As soon as I got rid of my first shock, I needed to ask her the reason. “May I ask you why?” Instead of giving an answer, she threw me a sheet of paper and said, “If you read this, you can understand why.” Then she turned and walked away. Holding the paper in my hand, I could not move for several minutes, because I was petrified with astonishment.

When my father called me from Kyrgyzstan to learn the result of interview, I was still crying. While sitting at the seaside and watching the beautiful landscape of the sea and the city I told him everything. When I finished, he said, “There is nothing to grieve about. It is not the end of the world. You can come back to Kyrgyzstan. You know, there is a job waiting for you here.”

Suddenly, I understood what he meant. After graduation, I was offered a position at my university as a teaching assistant in the management department, but I preferred to go to the U.S. Of course, that was not the only reason for my refusal. I was not sure of my ability to lecture in English. But now, sitting by the seaside under the warm sun, the idea of returning to Kyrgyzstan seemed to me the only alternative that I could go after. Perhaps, thinking of being an assistant at a university had a healing effect on my disappointment.

One week later, I was sitting in the seat of an airplane traveling to Kyrgyzstan. I was so excited, as if it were my first journey to that country. Besides, I had a strange fear. The reason for my fear was that I was going back there as a different person, not as a student, and I would work with my professors. Indeed, that would be a great experience for me.

On that day, I had my first class as an instructor. I was very excited for it seemed to me as if I did not know anything and I would not be able to say any words in front of the students. I had many questions in my mind. “What if they do not like me?” That was an important point for me because according to my own experiences, your achievement is closely related to your feelings about the teacher. If the student does not like the teacher, he/she never likes the course either. “What if I am boring and they do not understand what I am trying to explain?” Those questions made me more anxious and made me change my mind every five minutes. “No, no, wait! I give up! I cannot teach!”

Now I was in class, in the presence of the students’ curious eyes. They were examining all of my movements, behaviors, sentences and even clothes. I told the students about myself. The common question that I encountered in each class was: “How old are you?” They could not believe that that little girl would be their teacher because I looked younger than many of my students. However, undesirable things never happened in my classes, and my worries never became real. I got used to being in a class as a teacher and loved my job. Students liked me and understood the class; I could see that in their eyes. Some of them are still sending me e-mails and telling me that they miss me.

Today, when I look back at that October morning, I say, “Fortunately I could not get that visa.” It was one of the best things that happened to me in my life because during that year, I improved my knowledge, experience and English in order to give the students the best. Throughout my assistantship, I carried out a lot of research that also included translating documents. I went to a TOEFL course, which prepared me for my next year in the U.S. My assistantship experiences have fostered my love for and dedication to being an academician. After that year, I knew what I wanted for my future and that was worth everything.